The Beauty That I See

I am learning so much about me through this gardening adventure!!

Last week we got slammed with a terrific rain storm and there was absolutely NOTHING left of this plant…nothing!

Today I cannot believe it…


And it even has babies…flowers have always taught me soooo much!!!

And I did nothing to it! No control.. I’m learning that leaving something alone in still fertile ground it can, and does grow!

What a beautiful lesson!!

Deep Love & Rich Blessings

Midsummer’s Eve, also known as Summer Solstice also known as Litha is in 5 days…are you going to welcome the long days and beautifulsun? Is so how?

June 20th this year is the longest day and the shortest night of the year. The Goddess is now full and pregnant with Child, and the Sun God is at the height of His virility.

Let us dance and celebrate life this summer! Let us drink lemonade long into the night and laugh more and worry less! Let’s let the stress of life just roll off while we soak up precious nows; enjoying each moment to the fullest!

As I prepare my heart and mind for Summer I am sending forth Deep Love & Rich Blessings to all of you!

Blessed Be

A New Thing…The Beauty That I See

I think I am going to start a new thing since I am again removing, once and for all, sugar from my life I am going to start sharing a photo a day and call it “The Beauty That I See.”

No matter if it is written or a snap; iPhone or Cannon.

THIS is The Beauty I See for Wednesday June 14, 2017…

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It was taken with my Canon t3I. I get to see this plant be its true authentic self every day and it is wonderful…

Doesn’t the inner circle of yellow look like a heart?

Deep Love & Rich Blessings.

Interesting…

As I’m sitting here eating this

I can hear my head setting up scenarios that will set me up to fail! EXACTLY like when I quite smoking..

Screaming at me about the past relationships I’ve had and how I need to tell them how well I’m doing now..

THAT IS A SET UP!!! And in this moment I ain’t buying what you’re trying to sell me! I am in my bliss eating 4oz of tuna, and 8oz of my own garden grown basil! Yep that’s right I said my own grown basil!

I thank you to leave me alone while I am mindful partaking of a damn good lunch!

PS I won’t be contacting any of the people that you’re trying so hard to get my ego to grasp! I lovingly let all thoughts of past relations, past events and past me float on by! Instead I will grab on to thankfulness, gratitude and deep Love!

OxoxoX

Sadness…

In this pursuit of kicking myself off of sugar I am experiencing sadness today.

So I have a recent new found love of birds. Apparently came from no where and last year the little ones that fly around here made a nest in one of the complex’s bushes outside my back door and it was so profound for me that I have the nest…

A bit ago some little birds, not the same variety though, made a nest above a camera next to the laundry door and I have just grown to love watching them. The way mama makes the nest and gets the food…a fascinating process to watch.

I just went to see the manager and apparently the maintenance guy, because everything must look good; pressure washed the nest right off where it was at. Last week the mama still had baby(ies) in the nest so I am not sure if there were babies in their today or not.

I just spent a chunk of time watching two birds landing on the camera where the nest use to be only to have it not be there. All this in pursuit of mans dominion over everything. They weren’t, that nest was in a place where it wasn’t hurting a thing. So he said he had to make sure he could see the camera view…the lens was not where the nest was…he could have chose to clean up the sidewalk and leave that one little camera for another time. He did not.

I get tired of the aggressiveness of people, particularly the white male variety, that think that everything must be perfect or that cannot handle letting animals share the same space…I want to say ‘listen mister, they were here long before us. have some respect.’ I don’t. Today I am going to let my heart feel said for those two birds who use to have a home and now don’t because of a pressure washer…I don’t get the ‘i must control everything’ attitude, I mean I understand it but i don’t get it…over a birds nest..

I will not not ever care!!

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Me and Fat and Fear…AND LOVE!

ahhhhh.

I am so ready to shed this skin that I now have…AND fear stops me…

I just had a talk with myself down on the floor which, at 325 pounds is something i haven’t done for some time…i started sobbing and had one hand on my tummy and one had on my heart saying over and over and over again ‘I’m sorry!’

The fat and the fear have always , always been useful(with the exception of not stopping my dad) Useful in the sense of keeping people away; it is lots easier to talk behind an obese persons back in whispers rather than approach them because they equal everything unhealthy…in some minds…

I am, right now at 4:25pm Monday June 12, 2017, acutely aware of how much pain my body is in…and the fact that I am doing it to myself…that cuts deep through the fear and the bullshit and goes straight to my soul…

I AM DOING THIS TO MY BODY…I AM CAUSING MY PHYSICAL SHELL UNDUE STRESS AND HARM BECAUSE I AM OBESE…

i would like to say I feel better now however that truth is deeply painful.

I no longer have to hurt myself…I am not talking about loosing weight, going to gym, yada, yada, yada…I am talking about a soul recognition that will bring about an awareness, a conscious awareness of what I put into my body and what i do to my body..

In 2012 I lost 85lbs. I was still completely terrified and was not grounded in anything; guys were whistling, I didn’t have 3 chins…and it was an outside, physical thing…

Today I live my life beyond the depths. I am learning how to listen; be patient; and most of all be kind(on a spiritual level) AND YET…

I went to the grocery store and did not purchase anything with sugar in it…I was sitting in a chair that had my legs hanging over and when I got home, after the shopping and the walking that I did, my hips ached so much I cried to my body and said ‘I am sorry!”

I am working so hard at living from a place of peace and yet fear still governs my eating habits! Fear of living from a place of intense emotion…

Right now this moment I don’t have to fear that…I am a sensitive soul. I am an empath. I am wired to where emotions are my connection to the Great I Am and my connection to myself and all…I don’t have to fear myself anymore…I need to love myself and love myself abundantly…how do I do that….

I mean I have gotten a good grasp of my fear (most) of them throughout my day, however when it comes to sugar, or even just food I eat because I am lonely or bored or or or…

I want to eat as mindfully as I meditate. I want to eat as mindfully as I listen. I want to eat mindfully. Eating to feed my body. Not to loose weight, not for any other reason but that I want to love my body by what I am eating not hating it.

Goddess, I know the physical pain that I’m feeling right now will leave. May the moment of clarity that I have experienced as a result be my MIND-FULL-NESS reason to pursue health in my eating habits and choices.

I am sure it will take a minute but I feel a shift inside…I am done hurting myself. More importantly…

I WANT TO LOVE MYSELF WHOLLY, COMPLETELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY!

Deep Love & Rich Blessings

OxoxoX