The Tug Inward.

I am not sure how much more inward I can go…

I live a solitary life (completely by choice) and watch minimal amounts of TV; got rid of smart phone so as to shut out the incoming noise (I am NOT bragging I am just figuring)…

My phone never rings, my tv is seldom on, I don’t do much social media AND YET…

I am feeling this gynormous tug on my belly button to ‘go inward’…I am not sure yet what that means I only know that it is a physical tug…i am approaching my first doctor appointment in years very soon and I am having to deeply breathe around just the thought of it.

Meeting anyone in medical profession is a huge challenge for me and yet…things going on with my body propel me to jump off the medical care cliff with all kinds of fear and terror….

this tug to go inward is like i imagine Mother Nature to do right before the first bud has sprung forth out of the long cold winter of the soul…that ‘let’s go get ’em’ kinda thing i envision the whole earth to be going through right before the buds start opening up and we rush right into sunny weather and all that that means.

I don’t feel sad; I don’t feel angry I just feel a call inward; into the bowels of me; before I head out into the wide open spaces of the emotional springtime that is waiting for me.

I am grateful I have been afforded the opportunity to be still and know most of my day…I am not busied by work or relations or anything really…all that is going on in my life is happening by my choices; at my rate of speed because I cannot function any other way. For all of that I am grateful.

God still, and always will, walk along side me. We have great conversations most mornings; where I give him the ‘lowdown’ of the day…as I see it…then he always reminds me that he is God and can change any part of my plan at the drop of a hat..and he is always walking along side me no matter what comes into my life.

May I remember that always. in all ways. And may I carry his love for me way down into the depths of my naval and remember that wherever I am going internally that he executed the plan to begin with and he is walking right along side me showing me how much he loves me.

Love & Grace.

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