Letting Go….

I just deactivated my twitter account AND disconnected myself from Pinterest…

I let go of facebook years ago….it is just like when I quite drinking…they always suggested it was best not to have liquor in your home in case you wanted some it put some distance between you and the drink…social media has become that for me…i put some distance between me and it this morning…

I still post on Google+ (not necessarily on purpose) still have this blog and one on Tumblr…this is not keeping score I am just typing this out so I can come back to it…I deeply desire in all facets of my life to be loosed of anything that is not truly me. I am finally in a place where I can here her….and what she wants…instead of being led around like a dog on a chain, frothing at the mouth to be released, still being held captive but only in my mind…I am no longer frothing because I have complete control over the chain…

I can barely survive in this world; i have extreme difficulty with relationships that are face to face, they are just difficult for an extremely emotional me; and when i pile fake ones on top it becomes crazy…ier!

I do not need anymore propaganda; any more ‘if you buy this, or believe that’ then somehow i have arrived; my ego eats that crap up and my life has ceased to be about keeping up with my ego, that is a game I just cannot win.

i want to choose every choice i make from the depths of me and not out of some robotic response to what everyone else is doing.

I am grateful, for the ability to ‘shhhh’ which is certainly not from me, and the ability to truly connect with the person that was taken from me so long ago…myself.

Love & Grace.

letting go

15 thoughts on “Letting Go….

  1. I LOVE the picture! Good Job on stepping away from social media. I gave up Facebook a couple months ago. I’ve been back twice, and just don’t really feel the need to go back, permanently. I have a twitter and pinterest, but they never grabbed my attention, so I have barely gone on them since signing up. I enjoy the blog because I can be honest. I also enjoy reading other peoples blogs because I feel like they are honest in their posts. It’s just different and I don’t know how to describe it.

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    • Thanks! I have let go a lot..mostly thoughts that no longer work and somehow that picture just fits for a lot of things…right!
      Well my friend, you don’t have to explain it to me. I think it is one of those things that the people who disconnect you don’t have to explain and for those who are tied to social media there is no explanation. And I feel the exact same way about blogs…at least I would like to think people are honest…or why bother…

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      • Exactly! I have a friend though who thinks I need to be on Facebook just to connect with her. She said I could delete everyone else and just have the Facebook for her. I don’t even want to do that. She doesn’t understand and tries me to push things her way. She has aspergers, so I don’t know if that has something to do with it. I just have to do what’s best for me. Facebook stresses me out, why would I continue to have it?

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      • PRECISELY!! It is the only way to keep up with the younger generation in my family; or so they all tell me. I have a land line, we can write…none of that happens. It is there loss truly. I am worth more than the numbers and the stress involved with it; my sister said her friend told her that Facebook was like ‘a video game’ and it really gelled with her and for me…if I am zoning out I would rather use a real video game than a place where people have pseudo relationships and think they are in real ones.

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      • And I just went to my facebook because last time I had gone on, a friend had said she needed my email to keep in contact. But I hadn’t gotten an email yet so I was curious if she had saw my message yet, which she hasn’t. Anyway it was November when I started preparing and then finally deactivated my account. Anyway there is another friend who saw that I had reactivated it, and said I should come back. When I said it stressed me out, she said I should delete all the people who stress me out. Funny part is, if I do that, she would be one of the friends I delete. The other part of it is that it’s not just the people who stress me out. There are a lot of the people who do but it’s more of Facebook itself, NOT just the people.

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      • I’m glad it can be encouraging for you. Have you heard of the Spoon Theory? Look it up if you haven’t. I’m trying to keep this in mind, when I’m thinking of what I need to do to take care of myself.

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      • My sister and I call the spoons our ‘social points’…and I am so grateful to have my best friend ‘get me’ at this level. It is important to have ONE PERSON who gets the ‘spoon/social point’ life we live. I completely believe that. Having her in my life (she has Asperger’s) understanding my social points and I hers…makes the rest of the world a bit easier to cope with. Thanks for sharing that Spoon Theory with me. It is sooo true.

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      • My best friend has Asperger’s. We totally get each other and it seems like we are always dealing with similar issues at the same time. She’s thousands of miles away though. I wish I had someone like that near me, where we got each other.

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      • Well I am blessed for sure. My BPD is relatively new so you can imagine the number of people that have come and gone…she and I are best friends…she didn’t know about her Asperger’s for a very, very long time…I am extremely grateful for the synchronicity that is the Universe.

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      • Yeah, my friend was in her 40’s when she was diagnosed. She is about 20 years older then me. Most of my friends are much older then me. I don’t usually fit with people my age. I was 19 or 20 when I was diagnosed with BPD. I am also grateful for my friend. We have been friends for over 10 years now.

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