I told my sister last night that the closer the surgery gets, the more fear runs through me like a river running down a mountain.
I just want to get it over. Monday she is coming to get me and we are going to a motel that is uber close to the hospital; if we were to leave from my house Tuesday we would have to get up at 4am so we are staying a block away from the hospital, opting for maybe at least a half hour more of sleep.
I keep telling myself that in order to ‘give away’ one has to accept being given to and I don’t do well with that; a lot better over the years but still not to great. I am single, have been all my life and having someone spend 4 days with me to help me is a whole cause for difficulty in my head…
The physical stuff still goes on…I am not trying to be a ‘debbie downer’ here I am just giving it to you real (she says to herself mostly)…I have allergy/sinus issues as well which always seems to usher in a migraine along with everything else….
Today has been a day full of knitting and resting…not necessarily in that order.
I have 2 loads of laundry to do before this weekend; I have a bag to pack and then I think I am ready to go. I want to allow myself time to just chill on Monday because I think stress is going to be upgraded to an unmeasurable level so the less tweaking I have to do the less the stress…
I am grateful my sis is willing to walk through this with me I mean it can’t be easy for her. I have restrained my tongue way better than ever before and yet sometimes it still feels like I am a bit harsh which I don’t like anymore today.
I think that is what’s going on with me today. It was raining a bit awhile ago which seems to always make me just a bit happier somehow…
Thanks to everyone for commenting and following along I really appreciate it and you.
This photo to me symbolizes strength and vulnerability all in one photo. I LOVE THAT.
Love & Grace.