Good Morning…

I have been contemplating this is my soul for quite some time..and I gotta say I believe it is the absolute truth…

Soren Kierkegaard

So it’s not like I don’t think Jesus is enough. I think he is more than enough…and I also am feeling like he is calling me deeper. I haven’t read a bible in years; I haven’t gone to church in years; and I have not spent one single second feeling guilty or ‘bad’ about those choices..AND…it doesn’t mean that God isn’t moving me in the direction I go..I just have removed the human factor out of my relationship with God..all the ‘could’a, should’a, woulda’s’ have been dropped by the wayside a very long time ago…

The above quote, I didn’t know Kierkegaard said it; I have said many, many times…I am being gently swayed in the direction of God being everywhere…I believe he has ushered me into a time of truly taking care of my own soul…and by that I mean not following the herd, not making choices (spiritual ones, or any for that matter) based upon anything else other than freedom and love and the next right thing FOR ME….

For some reason those two words, for me, have been given such a bad wrap; such a selfish spin on them…I believe God wants that of all of us…to find our groove, our path, our way to him in whatever manner works best..again I am not excluding Jesus here I am just being more participatory in my relationship with God. Look I think it is the most meaningful relationship I have or will ever have. And it is up to me to nurture that relationship…God is waiting…patiently…for me to find what works so I can better communicate, love more; all of the things that people sit around and talk about…

I have decided to take my relationship with God mighty seriously and by that I mean I have a longing in my soul…i want to learn how to connect with God through his creations…i don’t want to be some static robot that reads the bible, prays, goes to church and on Sunday does it all over again…that is not me…I don’t know if it ever truly was or I was fighting off the loneliness…I am not fighting off anything anymore…I prefer my own company simply because I am so sensitive (physically & emotionally) to sound and when alone, I can control it (mostly); I prefer my church to be on my patio listening to all the different birds in my backyard and hearing the buzzing of bees go by my head and seeing mating dragonflies fly over me…that is ‘my’ church and I deeply desire to commune with God in Gods church..not mans…

It is grounding me more in the truth of Love; and in a peace that passes any understanding of it…I have ‘let go of’ concern and worry over others reactions of what I just wrote…sure the fundamentalist will tell me I am wrong and try and shame/guilt me…and there will always be people in the world who will think ‘i need fixing’ however I believe the true fount, where the connection of GodJesus is for me is my back yard…smelling the ocean and listening to life…life that man cannot mess with…that God fully created…

and so the journey continues…the search continues…I am coming to believe that if God doesn’t propel one to want more of him …that is no God i want to serve. I want to continue seeking, because the more God I find…the more ‘me’ I find…and I believe THAT is what this is all about….

oxoxox

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