Yesterday was an extremely hard day for me…the anxiety was up to my eyebrows and I was gasping for air through the dulled sound of my nervously beating heart.

I did it; what I needed to do I showed up. Sometimes that is the very biggest deal of all when every single molecule and fiber in your being is screaming NOOOOOOO…and you show up…running on what seems like robotic responses…you show up…

i am still having a very difficult time being proud of that. all the other noise in my head is drowning out the little me who is whispering with the voice of an angel ‘atta girl…you showed up….’ and today i find myself exhausted. throughout this process I haven’t slept more than 5 hours for the last two weeks, haven’t been eating normally and my quiet time has been anything but quiet…

i need to have the quiet come back…i am not just talking about the physical noise going on around me all the time…i am talking about lacking the ability to quiet my mind..i find myself getting pissed off about other people getting ‘praise’ for stuff i have been doing for months…and here i sit with no recognition from anyone…

Goddess…i need help hearing you; I need help quieting the noise in my head…shutting off the physical noise is the easy part…for me, it truly is…

my anxiety was at such a level yesterday i just don’t think i have come back down yet…so today i am knitting and i am breathing…that is all i seem to be able to do today…and praying in my own way, that the peace in my mind returns soon.

oxoxox

heart filled with peace

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