80th.

My head has been thumping all day so I think its time to write..

My mom had her 80th birthday celebration this past Saturday and all her kids were there…for the first time in over 30 years…

family

I am exhausted simply because I am truly an introvert…I haven’t seem my oldest brother in I don’t know how long and my other brothers well…they have not liked me much at all but we all seemed to focus on the fact that we were there for my mom who is sitting between my sister and I…

I never know how to be around these people…I am so much different than most of them, with the exception of my dad. Him and I have much the same humor, temperament and emotionality in us; the others have never been able to reach me or understand me because of my mental illness and all that has come as a result of that…

I stayed with my sister of choice for the weekend and it was a wonderful time. Her family is quiet and small and even with all the kitty noises it is so much different than my family. I was blessed to be able to stay somewhere away from all the noise…I love my mom more today than I ever have AND…this weekend really took it out of me…I don’t do well with noise; I don’t do well with phonyness and I don’t do well with crowds (yes at one point some of us had to go to another table because there was too many in the room) i am grateful I went I truly am AND i haven’t landed back in my own skin yet..I felt the love in that room Saturday; not so much to me but from everyone to my mom and it was beautiful.

I talked with her a bit tonight and she still is surrounded by folks, my aunt and uncle, my brother; they are all leaving tomorrow and I just pray my mom will be okay going back to her and dad. They just recently moved into a two bedroom apartment and seem to be doing well with it; of course I am learning that loving doesn’t equal worry and I am learning to let mom go…and not question her about every choice she makes…which is very hard.

I feel like most of the things I have felt the last three days have much to do with maturing and watching parents and siblings age…I feel a swell of love and when did we all get older’ inside that has yet to find its place in my being…My sister by choice brought me back to my home by the sea Sunday and this photo is one of my favorite captions after we arrived in Florence. Probably one of my favorites ever..

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Please do not take picture without permission. Thanks!

And with that…as I am still processing everything…I will bid ya’ll a truly good night….by the way…the head has stopped thumping…

OxoxoX