My Mom

I just got off the phone with my mom and she is in the middle of getting a massage, which she says “I think I needed real bad my back was all tight.” and a pedicure. She pampers herself quite often she says and that just warms my heart.

Tears come out my eyes after our short but beautiful conversation because our lives, mine with my parents, has changed so much over the years..sooo much! In short, 30 years ago I had my mom on a hit list, to have her throat cut ear to ear by someone whom I didn’t even know but who was willing to do it..

I cannot even begin to tell you what all has happened in those 30 years to bring us to the point today where we are talking about my mom getting pedicures and taking care of herself and both of us, when we hang up the phone, telling each other we love each other from our toes…

I suppose the tears are the recognition of how blessed I am that I am where I am at in my relationship with her…she is my mom. MY mom. and it is a trip growing older with her…the more layers of the hardness around my heart that are removed, the more I love her.

I am so grateful (seems a bit over used but can’t think of a bigger word to describe my heart) that they both have been able to see me flourish and thrive; in my dream home, being totally 100% ME…I am so grateful I have been allowed this time with both of them so they can see with their own eyes that I am good…that my life is full of beauty and love…

I love my mom today with my whole heart; never imagined in my wildest desires of wanting a mom, that this is what it would feel like; I never imagined I would love her from the center of my heart out…

It makes all of those years, probably 48….it makes all of the turmoil and hate and angst worth it…now that I can love her so freely and openly…and yea kinda cheesy but I do believe that what makes it so easy for me to love her today is that I have looked in the shadows and under all the rocks visible in my own soul; I have no more secrets that I am running from, my heart is an open book TO MYSELF…which truly does enable me to simply love my mom and dad.

Love isn’t love if it doesn’t come from a place of purity, of simplicity and honesty. I no longer love myself or my parents out of some sideways obligation..it is purely, simply flowing from the I AM of my heart…

THAT is beyond a blessing.

OxoxoX

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