My sister went home a couple hours ago and we had a great, deep talk. Seems like I am growing more and more real and fond with her. I have been in an active, seeking to know kind of relationship with her for years and I shared stuff with her that no one else knows…which created an unknown putting up my shield with her for the last month (we see each other one day a month)
Yesterday when she arrived and after the crafty show and tell I let it fly out of my mouth that i needed not to correspond with her via email anymore, for a period of time. No telling how long the period of time..she was okay with that and as we continued talking it finally was revealed to me why i felt like i was treading backwards in my relationship with her…because over my birthday weekend i shared stuff with her that i had never talked with anyone about and i had shared a desire with her that i had never told anyone..
it created a loop-da-loop in my mind and i have been pushing away (unconsciously) from her since then. My head had been creating arguments, and reasons to be mad etc until it dawned on me “you shared pretty intimate stuff with her’…i had no what was up until she was in my living room, that the level i shared with her was a bit intimate…it is hard to realize the why of something regarding another person if said person isn’t in my environment…
so when i realized that it was like the wall had come down and it instantly changed, even by a millimeter…still it began to change.
Nothing grows in the dark. I believe that with everything in my heart. I can’t get un-stuck or move forward if i don’t know what is causing the stuckedness…
So the rest will take time. Of which I was reassured she wasn’t going anywhere so it can take all the time necessary….
I am grateful she was here and I am grateful to have my home back.
Thank you so much sweet sister for the Sacred Sister time.