I am thankful every day for something. This holiday is truly just another day; sure there is different food and maybe(not for me) family but it is truly just another day.
When your life has been transformed, when you are sitting in your own home, the one YOU created, in a place you have always wanted to live, with all of the things (like a bed, a roof, and food) that you did not usually have…every day there most surely is something to be grateful for.
Gratitude is not something I often write about or talk about because there were so many years when i truly couldn’t see or feel anything to be grateful for AND there were so many years (pre mental diagnosis) where no matter who or what was around me I just couldn’t quite be grateful.
I know what it is like to have family and ‘stuff’ crammed down your throat this time of year if you are struggling. I know that struggle. I am writing this to remind you that everything changes. Everything changes.
Last month it was everything I could do not to start carving on my arms again just to quiet my mind because of the chaos….today I haven’t thought once about carving on myself and for that..there are no words to describe how thankful i am for that.
Please hang in there. If you ain’t feeling all of this gratitude stuff, HANG IN THERE. One day you may very well realize that gratitude isn’t reserved for one day, it isn’t about listing the things you’re grateful for…it is about the deeper than deep realization that you are meant to be here. In your darkness. In your light. YOU are meant to be here. No amount of words or anything else can articulate that knowing once you ‘know it’…it goes beyond gratitude into a richness beyond description.
THAT is how much gratitude is in my heart today. I am so grateful I hung it out and didn’t give up.
May you be in a place today where you are fully and completely free to be whomever you are in this exact moment.
Much Love & Blessings…