Maybe Kermit Was Right…

Hello Friends.

So I have been really drawing inward and learning about my path and what that looks like for nobody else but me.

I have gotten some essential oils in my home; I have gotten a strong sense of the beauty in silence and I have this yearning to beautify my home with plants and flowers.

So I am not a green thumb; I have never had the patience frankly. So last week my sister was here and we went to the local garden shop and the person that helped us was named Kermit. Who else better to grow green things than a very nice kat named really all makes sense in a cosmic kind of way.

So what I learned is that I love plants to much. My sister brought me two very nice terra cotta pots that are normally used for strawberries but instead I will use one for my kitchen garden and the other one is filled with these….


And with that gorgeousness comes the knowledge that “you love them too much.” I had no working understanding of what that meant; I only new that pinks and oranges needed to be in my environment so I could breathe in the beauty of each color…

So this morning, as I am listening to the thunder roll, after last nights pounding storm with intermitent thunder boomers (yeah!!) I looked out at my pot and lets just say it doesn’t any longer look like the picture above.

Which isn’t what disturbs me…what disturbs me is that those flowers are getting pummeled by rain before their time. I am coming to a guttural understanding of ‘everything in its season’…I don’t think one can get a mental/emotional grasp of that often flung out sentence until one buys beautiful flowers and sees them being pummeled which in fact changes the color, shape and size of them.

So everything really does have a season; when I mess with something ‘out of season’ including myself; I am subject to unnecessary pummeling. I have an internal struggle leaving those flowers precisely where they are on my back porch; wanting to love them and bring them under a roof to unbruised them however I don’t think that will matter. The damage has been done…so now the lesson if you will, is to love them precisely the way they are now. Recognizing that they may not flourish as much as if they weren’t getting rained on so badly, but they will flourish, for a season. I mean they still captivate me with their colors…

I need to leave them be. I bought them knowing it wasn’t done raining on the Oregon Coast, (it never is really) and they will survive until they don’t. They have been fed, and now they are doing what flowers do…regardless of the weather. They are prompting my mind to continue to see the beauty in all things no matter what it looks like.

I am not entirely sure about this ‘desire to grow things’ and where it is coming from but I do so love it. I do so love having deep, real, un made beauty in my environment and now as I am typing this…the sun is peaking out through the clouds…and I can hear the flowers say ‘ahhh’.

I had no idea it was going to be so hard for me to just let them be…let them fully be their bright, beautiful selves without fixing them in any way…

Maybe Kermit was right…

Deep Love & Rich Blessings


Loving My Physical Body…

Let me start off by saying my body was not my own from the age of 3 on. Yep the age of 3. There were sooo many ‘stages’ others went through that I don’t even have any clue of to this day.

So I was just now putting lotion on my elbows and I realized something…I can see the wrinkles on my arm when my skin isn’t moisturized enough…

In other words….my body is aging. The actual shell, my skin, is getting older…and it dawned on my that no one has ever taught me how to take care of my physical body…that is something I have had to learn along the my DBT therapy it is called ‘self soothing’; when you sooth your physical self so the emotional will balance out..

I use lotion a lot. And it feels good to my skin. I am not sure how to age, I only am learning what makes my body feel good for me. That is important because we are the last things we are told to take care of when it comes to society so I try and live the exact opposite…be the first person I take care of so the rest that trickles out can maybe help someone else along the road…

I am learning how to lovingly touch myself..and that is very hard since my body has undergone so much abuse and so much hurriedness…slowing down and rubbing lotion on my body is an act of love almost to big to fathom…

I am working on it.

How about you? Does your physical shell have any trauma that you are trying to love away? Well if so, know and trust you are not alone. It becomes easier as I get older simply because the concern and/or worry I have for what other people think has fallen off the way and I am becoming more and more focused on me and what I need in a kind and loving way; not a selfish, self-centered way.

May we all continue to grow and learn how to be most loving towards ourselves first so it can trickle down to everyone that crosses our path each day.

Much Love



I’m not an evangelical anything anymore! And I’m breathing and having my being in that truth for me…and it’s fabulous!!!

I believe in my depths that My God rejoices when I wear a polka dotted rain slicker that doesn’t fully snap in the front cuz there is no snaps, and I go to the grocery store to get groceries and it’s pouring down rain!! 

I do not believe, being a native Oregonian, that one cannot whistle and hum when they are feeling the raindrops dance to their own rhythm on my head!

I glorified My God this morning by taking care of me, chatting with folks I’ve never met, and whistled and hummed all the way home because my heart was overflowing with blessings in this moment.

No longer am I bound to doin it this way or doin that way, if it doesn’t included that then it’s not…those actions no longer hold my body or mind captive to the coulda, woulda, shoulda dance!!

I am free to dance in the rain and share the light that always lives in my soul rain or shine!!

What an awesome God/dess I relation with!

Have a wonderful rainshiny day!!!



Yep, you read it right. It is a challenge to myself, just because, to write a blog post (BloPo) every day of this month (Mo)!! And the Na is but of course….national.

I have no direction, not going anywhere or working towards a book or anything I am just writing.

I am not sure of the desired result, however, mine is just to see if I can write something on this blog every day.

Today has been a good day, bill paying day always is at my house. And I got to order some Unicorn Poop (didn’t know it was edible, but this is yarn) had a coffee this morning and came home and ordered more yarn (including some for my sister)…AND…I still have money on my bank card…

I am feeling uber grateful about that and very, very blessed for sure.

I am currently working on a variegated sock and I think I am going to watch something…just cuz I can.

May the rest of your day be filled with love and light.



Hey There…

WOW!!! This year has been an incredibly freaky ride…I am not at all sure what I mean by that except it has been challenging…

I have Borderline Personality Disorder which, in my understanding of it, means that I have ‘BIG’ emotions; it is also a challenge for me to process information the way other folks do..

This year I have contemplated cutting myself and suicide again off and on throughout the year. The little girl in the attic was large and in charge for most of this year. I am not sure how to explain that other than the BPD me came out of the shadows. Which wouldn’t be so bad if her way of coping with stuff wasn’t to harm me…

There was a constant barrage of noise and cursing and hate that had filtered its way into my home (and heart) via a neighbor and now that neighbor has been gone 17 days; I am able to truly evaluate my life and look at this past year and see it for what it is…

I have come to believe that having a mental disorder just means that I process stuff different than most. I don’t need to be ‘put away’ for the way I process stuff; I am fortunate that I don’t needs meds either…but it is so very painful. I don’t fit into any cookie cutter mold. When shit hits the fan I process the way I do just as with everyone. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist in my life when that is going on…it just means that from the moment I wake up I am battling with My Shadow; trying to convince myself that I deserve…that I am ‘enough’…and I have come to believe that unless you have a disorder, or are aware that you process stuff different…you have no opinion on my life and my choices.

I was shoved back into survival; in the truest sense of the word. I was bombarded with rage and hate every day for at least 12 hours a day for ten months…please do not judge me for how that looked on the outside.

Just like when I was being molested, it is my job to take care of The Attic; to make sure she knows she is loved, and safe….at whatever cost necessary. I am just now being able to literally be in my home; be present instead of floating off somewhere to stop the noise. I am healing..slowly…surely…and in my own time.

All I can say to you is that if you have someone in your life who has been diagnosed with any kind of mental difference if you will; if you cannot be loving and kind, remove yourself from their lives. We judge and hate ourselves enough; we don’t need those who say they “care about us” to do the same.

Having Borderline Personality Disorder is different. My life, the way I feel and process, is all very, very different from someone say at the grocery store AND both of us are doing what we need to do for ourselves. I am not here to do the busyness of life; I have been blessed to where I don’t have to hold a job and try and figure it all out; if I did I wouldn’t be here. I get overwhelmed pretty easy and by that I mean I can’t pretend I “have it all together” for any length of time…and I am very grateful for that.

I am not sure where any of this is coming from I don’t feel like I am tracking a thought but I do know that it is important for me to hear myself say I am loved. I am safe. Today I belong to The Universe; with all its majesty and glory and beauty; I too, qualify to be a part of the larger picture.

Much Love



Good Morning…

Sometimes I wake up and just feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. Like the dreams I had last night, I ought to have stayed in them instead of woken up at all…

this isn’t a negative thing it is just some mornings it takes a very long minute for the reality to hit me that i am alive, breathing and “here.”

My brother LOVED the scarf I made him, I am so glad I have never knitted anything quite as big as that scarf…

I have my door open and am listening to the earthly chatter outside, going to go immerse myself in it in a bit; my back patio some mornings is just so inviting.

My head is thinking everything and nothing so I am going to say may you have a beautiful day today; no matter if you are scattered or not; always remember that you are hugely loved!!


Yep! That is the scarf that has over 63,000 stitches in it!! It’s ‘home!’